End of Day Twenty-One

Daily Updates

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Hello everyone, I think I’m going to stop apologising for these always being late as I’m sure the majority of you know that trying to post things everyday is very demanding on life, especially now that I am in lectures 9-4 most days. Just know that I continuously log my food throughout the day, regardless of my posting- it has become quite an obsession and yesterday when my phone didn’t work, I found it really hard to eat and not track what I was eating.

Now that I am twenty-one days into my lifestyle change, I realise that in the last few days, myself and other people have been noticing me. I have had comments like “You look so thin from the back”, “are you eating?” and “you’re definitely going to pull tonight”. These are all comments that I never used to get. Never have I been asked if I am not eating before, totally out of context? I think it’s a compliment, especially as I am eating as you can see from my hideous day yesterday which I will explain now.

Yesterday, was one of my worst days of my lifestyle change so far for many reasons. Firstly, I had a splitting headache for the majority of the day and I am not sure why. It could have potentially been due to my low blood sugar, a lack of water intake or perhaps heat or stress. I realise now that my coping strategy when I get a headache is to eat! I ate so much and as we were going out clubbing in the evening, I had a **** it approach to food and yesterday was the first time I felt this, my guilt left me.

Secondly, I drank alcohol prior to going out and around forty-five minutes into it I felt an overwhelming sense of despair and sadness. I felt that it was pointless me going out, pointless me even still being awake, I decided I hated clubs and just wanted to go to bed. I sat there, staring into space with my friends asking what was wrong when I finally blurted out ‘there’s something wrong with me’. Now. I am not sure where this has come from but for the past week or so now, I have felt quite depressed. I have not struggled with the lack of eating- like I used to when I experienced dieting before, I have often found myself going from completely normal and happy to sadness the next, in a split second- like a mood swing? A total change of personality, perhaps due to my Gemini horoscope- no.

I ended up staying in, eating ice-cream and chocolate and then going to bed at 11pm. How awful. I cried to my other house mates and to myself in the bathroom. My other house mates think I’m under a lot of pressure and I don’t have to go out all the time. I definitely don’t enjoy meeting guys in clubs, it is NOT my thing and I guess it is hard when everyone else is doing this and it’s seen as the norm. I just don’t like it, I see it as pointless and pretty disgusting to be honest. Don’t get me wrong, if you do it that’s fine- I have done it in the past three times or so, so I completely understand but after having had a recent boyfriend I just don’t want to do it. The dancing is fun and staying up late is fun but the drinking alcohol and kissing boys is not. I went out sober before and that’s probably the best night I had out! I think that’s what I’m going to do.

┬áThis is post is now quite long and personal so I apologise for that! I just felt like I needed to get some things off my chest. My friends also think I’m depressed and wonder where the old me has gone. It’s seriously getting me down.

I don’t think that my lifestyle change/diet is the cause of these issues, I think it just coincidentally happened at the same time, because I feel amazing and can feel the difference in thinness on my waist and on my thighs and I’m not stopping, regardless of this bad day.

Here is my update for 20/09/14:

Breakfast: Frozen raspberries 22kcal, frozen mango chunks 65kcal.

Total: 87kcal.

Lunch: Large raw carrot 52kcal, tesco low fat houmous 90kcal, cherry bakewell tart 215kcal.

Total: 357kcal.

Tea: Vegetarian Bean Burger 225kcal, Brown rice 80kcal, Frozen sweetcorn 115kcal.

Total: 420kcal.

Snacks: Milk Chocolate square 54kcal, Spearmint chewing gum 7kcal, Tesco profiteroles 170kcal, malt fruit loaf 174kcal, club fruit chocolate bar 118kcal, 1 krackawheat 34kcal, ice cream eton mess 150kcal, wispa chocolate bar 167kcal, Cherry Sourz alcohol 309kcal, Raspberry Cidre 190kcal.

Total: 1,373kcal. (I forgot 2 more krackawheats- +68kcal.)= 1441kcal.

Overall total input: 2,305kcal.

I did walk probably two miles or so today but I am not including that as it doesn’t matter. What matters is how awful today was! Over 2,300 kcals! Oh well, today I will have a fast and drink lots of water, perhaps go swimming too. I might go swimming but do all easy stroke- breast stroke. Haha.

Jessicana xo

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